Your opinion would help... Ill select the best somehow?

Im working on a movie and im pretty much done... this is just the first parts comment what you think, A name maybe, And if you want to hear the rest of it... Then i would of course email it....Thanks








The Movie begins with (Me) about to place a bet and Randy calls me back to talk to him before I place it. He tells me that


I need to bet on the three horse because he knows that this horse is a winner. I question him because the Man that controls the betting (Who is comparable to a mob boss) probably knows everything about the race and he picked the 5 horse. He then persuades me to bet on the horse he chose. I bet 5g he bets 500g


Randy and Me walking to watch the race separately and The announcer is talking about the race and the 4 horse wins. The camera shows our reactions about our loss.


The movie then goes to an alarm clock buzzing and then to the intro sequence. Which is me hitting the alarm clock and then my feet hitting the floor as I get out of bed. Then to horse race footage. Me walking into the bathroom from the front angle then to the back and I scratch my ***. Then to more horse race footage. (during the racing footage it shows the words) then to me brushing my teeth. Then shaving. Then the shower coming on. Then the end of the race with the title. Then me drying my hair. And walking out into the living room and sitting down on the couch then looking into the kitchen getting up and cuts back as im sitting with a bowl of cereal watching a very dumb childrens show and then I look at the remote but being to lazy to get it I continue watching television.


Then the movie cuts to randy who is hiding because he owes a lot of money. He is talking on a pay phone as cars pass. He is talking to a friend (he is the weapons dealer) about how he owes this money. He then goes back to the hotel he is in and locks the door.


Matt and his friend are in the car riding and they have just robbed a jewelry store. They pull into a parking lot to count the cash they have. (They pull into the hotel randy is in) The camera goes to randy sitting in that room with a shotgun. He looks out the window and you see them they are in ski masks. He ducks down and is scared they are there for him. Then he looks up and there is a guy looking in his direction putting on a ski masks so he ducks back down and points the shotgun at the door and when the camera moves up to see the man in the ski mask is not coming towards him but walking towards the car. The man in the mask goes to pull a gun but is shot immediately. (which you see from the point of the window. Randy looks out as the car pulls away and takes down the plate.


Then it goes back to me on the couch as denell walks in from work. (He is a cop) He tells me to get a job and walks into the kitchen. He asks me why I have to leave the milk out because it鈥檚 a full carton and its warm and will never be the same again. Then he gets a call from Jordan and he answers it. Jordan is talking about how he is on break. (He is smoking right outside of a babys'r'us store. He asks denell why I owe 500 grand on a bet. Denell tells him he will call him back. Then hangs up. Jordan is talking into the phone like hello, hello, Dick.


The movie goes back to denell as he asks me in a quiet angry kind of way why I owe 5oo grand to people I don鈥檛 want to owe money to. I spit my cereal back into the bowl. I say I have no Idea and I made a 5g bet and there was another guy that made that bet. He believes this.


The camera goes back to show the bookie asking us our names as we walk out and mixing up the bets.


It comes back to me talking about how ****** I am. He says he is ****** too. They will kill him too. So I tell him we could clear up the misunderstanding he Says ';Im not Dog the ******* bounty hunter I cant find this guy.'; so we both sit back and look at each other then look away and he says this is why you don鈥檛 place these bets. So we decide that we will stay at home and not go out just in case they come looking for us. That way they don鈥檛 think we skipped town. I close my eyes.


It goes to Sterling (The weapons dealer who was shown talking to randy) He is talking to a cop about his brother who was killed


Your opinion would help... Ill select the best somehow?
I like the premise: a bad bet changes a man's life with pieces of the day of the race interspersed with the race itself. However, I got lost as you introduced some characters and the bounty hunter when I have no idea what they have to do with the movie. I think it would be clearer if everything happened from your point of view. Some back story can be shown about you and Dennell and your relationship. Why a cop is giving advice on betting.





I like that you show the race starting and later show the bet being made, cutting back to your life, more about the race, etc.





I loved the movie Crash. It was the most interesting and upsetting movie I have seen since the Grapes of Wrath, To Kill a Mockingbird, and Anatomy of a Murder. Only yours and Crash use the multiple viewpoints, so you might just be right in interweaving the characters like you do.





You can always email me if you like my comments or want to defend your point of view. It doesn't hurt to have a critic who is clueless to see if your idea makes sense to the person approaching the movie with no preconceptions.Your opinion would help... Ill select the best somehow?
First things first, write it like a script.